Too Soon

"When you feel that time sees to to move too fast, it only means you are aging. Look at the kids, they get bored easily for they feel that time is moving so slowly."

Those were the words my boss told me when I got so exhausted with workloads at the tutorial center. Time flies for adults but for the younger ones, it crawls and take a break each and every minute. Since I feel the fast pace of time and life itself... I am old... I am a certified adult.

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Sobrang linaw pa sa akin ng mga chldhood days ko, mula sa mga experiences hanggang sa mga thoughts ko noon na intact pa rin sa utak ko ngayon, kung anggang kelan tatagal ang mga alaala eh hindi ko na alam. Naaalala ko pa kung paano ko napagpapalit ang mga water jugs namin ng mga kaklase ko dahil magkakapareho ng itsura, kung paano ko napagkamalian na panyo ang retaso ng tela na dala ng kaklase ko para sa klase namin sa EPP (Edukasyong Pantahanan at Pangkabuhayan), kaya pala medyo amoy lupa at magaspang 'yung tela dahil hindi pala talaga 'yun yung panyo ko; kung paano ko naitatapon ang mga lunch box ko sa siga dahil nalimutan ko na nasa loob pala ng plastic na tinapon ko sa siga ang lunchbox ko katulad na rin ng pagkawala ng wallet ko araw-araw noong grade 1 at 2 ako... ang tanga ko pala noon. Hindi ko rin pwedeng kalimutan ang moro-moro at sili-tubig na sobrang kinapaguran ko at kung paano ako nahuhulog mula sa langit kapag naglalaro kamin ng langit-lupa... hindi rin pwedeng mawala sa listahan ang basketbol at jackstone na kinaBANOan ko hanggang sa mga oras na binabasa ninyo ito. May mga pagkakataon rin noon na nagpapanggap akong masakit ang ulo, tiyan, paa at kung ano pang pwedeng sumakit para lang makatakas sa eskwela, hindi naman sa ayaw kong pumasok at mag-aral...nagkataon lang siguro na hindi ko masyadong gusto ang humarap sa pisara at lumanghap ng chalk dust...

Naaalala ko pa rin kung paano ako naiinip sa takbo ng panahon na para bang kahit na dumadaan ang araw eh tulog lang ang naghahati sa mga ito at dilim lang ang pananda pero wala naman talagang nangyayari.. walang nagbabago. Pero iba na ang sitwasyon ngayon...

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The mere fact that I am earning my own money states that I have grown up.. grown old... I was very much terrified by that thought... I have grown old... I not the kid who used to run along the streets without anything to bother about... i am not the same kid who smiles with utmost sincerity and have compassion for everyone for I have never felt betrayal and pain then... I am a very meek person inside yet a very determined and strong-willed person is exuded on the outside. I am not the same kid because I am not a kid anymore. I am not a kid. no longer a kid.

A friend wished that I may not lose my sunshine, the same wish the kid in me has for me... But i already lost it then... yet I feel the need to give it back to myself and so I am taking my steps in retrieving the sunshine I've lost when I fell and lost my head...

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Growing old isn't about the additional numbers in your age... growing old carries a big responsibility... you are held liable for the things you do and the things you failed to do... you get haunted by your own shadows for the deeds you never did... As a kid we want to be somebody but when someday comes, being somebody isn't everything... you will need someone and eventually need to give something...

As a kid, I was waiting for the right time because I know that it'll come but on when is something I wasn't sure of. Now that I am a little older, I need to chase time for I believe that time can never be right unless you work hard on making thing things right... At 20, I am in just a fourth or third fraction of my life but reaching this realization makes me feel a little older... We all grow old... that's our fate... but growing up is an option....

I am Billie... blogging.

Should have...

There are a lot of things I regret in the past but for now, I want to deal with my highschool days...

It was a day in June, year 2002. I started attending the school I never imagined of attending. I was in mixed emotions because I managed to got in easily but most of my gradeschool friends decided to go to other highschools so I was like contemplating on backing out but it was not an option at that time. While contemplating I heard these two girls chatting as if they have never seen each other for years. I cursed them at the time for they were too loud but the next thing I knew was they were already my classmates and after a month or so, I was enjoying their company and was chatting with them. I met other people, some became enemies and some became very dear to me. After a year, there was a resectioning and some bonds were strengthened and a lot have been cut. The same thing happened every year and the worse thing has yet to come... graduation.

Upon the preparation for graduation, we were asked to do a speech for our Filipino class, I made two and one of those tackled the graduation theme and as I remember a line from it goes like "hindi 'yung moment na iyon ang iniiyakan namin kund i'yung mga susunod na araw, linggo, buwan at taon na hindi na sila ang kasama namin sa bawat galaan, kausap sa bawat kwentuhan at kasalo sa bawat tanghalian." And indeed it happened... though we have managed to get in touch with one another from time to time, it is still different back then...

If I had known that we will be losing all those wonderful days we sed to have, I should have tried my best to show my friends how I value them and how much important they are to me. If I had known then that the things I've done will dictate the world's perception of me I should have tried on becoming a better person even when I was younger. I know I haven't tried hard enough on becoming a better person, on becoming a better comrade on becoming someone I've wanted to be... If I had known that time flies...

I SHOULD HAVE RUN FASTER...