Those were the words my boss told me when I got so exhausted with workloads at the tutorial center. Time flies for adults but for the younger ones, it crawls and take a break each and every minute. Since I feel the fast pace of time and life itself... I am old... I am a certified adult.
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Sobrang linaw pa sa akin ng mga chldhood days ko, mula sa mga experiences hanggang sa mga thoughts ko noon na intact pa rin sa utak ko ngayon, kung anggang kelan tatagal ang mga alaala eh hindi ko na alam. Naaalala ko pa kung paano ko napagpapalit ang mga water jugs namin ng mga kaklase ko dahil magkakapareho ng itsura, kung paano ko napagkamalian na panyo ang retaso ng tela na dala ng kaklase ko para sa klase namin sa EPP (Edukasyong Pantahanan at Pangkabuhayan), kaya pala medyo amoy lupa at magaspang 'yung tela dahil hindi pala talaga 'yun yung panyo ko; kung paano ko naitatapon ang mga lunch box ko sa siga dahil nalimutan ko na nasa loob pala ng plastic na tinapon ko sa siga ang lunchbox ko katulad na rin ng pagkawala ng wallet ko araw-araw noong grade 1 at 2 ako... ang tanga ko pala noon. Hindi ko rin pwedeng kalimutan ang moro-moro at sili-tubig na sobrang kinapaguran ko at kung paano ako nahuhulog mula sa langit kapag naglalaro kamin ng langit-lupa... hindi rin pwedeng mawala sa listahan ang basketbol at jackstone na kinaBANOan ko hanggang sa mga oras na binabasa ninyo ito. May mga pagkakataon rin noon na nagpapanggap akong masakit ang ulo, tiyan, paa at kung ano pang pwedeng sumakit para lang makatakas sa eskwela, hindi naman sa ayaw kong pumasok at mag-aral...nagkataon lang siguro na hindi ko masyadong gusto ang humarap sa pisara at lumanghap ng chalk dust...
Naaalala ko pa rin kung paano ako naiinip sa takbo ng panahon na para bang kahit na dumadaan ang araw eh tulog lang ang naghahati sa mga ito at dilim lang ang pananda pero wala naman talagang nangyayari.. walang nagbabago. Pero iba na ang sitwasyon ngayon...
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The mere fact that I am earning my own money states that I have grown up.. grown old... I was very much terrified by that thought... I have grown old... I not the kid who used to run along the streets without anything to bother about... i am not the same kid who smiles with utmost sincerity and have compassion for everyone for I have never felt betrayal and pain then... I am a very meek person inside yet a very determined and strong-willed person is exuded on the outside. I am not the same kid because I am not a kid anymore. I am not a kid. no longer a kid.
A friend wished that I may not lose my sunshine, the same wish the kid in me has for me... But i already lost it then... yet I feel the need to give it back to myself and so I am taking my steps in retrieving the sunshine I've lost when I fell and lost my head...
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Growing old isn't about the additional numbers in your age... growing old carries a big responsibility... you are held liable for the things you do and the things you failed to do... you get haunted by your own shadows for the deeds you never did... As a kid we want to be somebody but when someday comes, being somebody isn't everything... you will need someone and eventually need to give something...
As a kid, I was waiting for the right time because I know that it'll come but on when is something I wasn't sure of. Now that I am a little older, I need to chase time for I believe that time can never be right unless you work hard on making thing things right... At 20, I am in just a fourth or third fraction of my life but reaching this realization makes me feel a little older... We all grow old... that's our fate... but growing up is an option....
I am Billie... blogging.
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